Maggie Shnayerson

“Baby Panda Adopted And Nursed By Cat Dies” [AP]

(AP Photo/ Artis Zoo)

“A guy I am friendly with who used to work for Gawker, Jon, came up behind me, ‘Do you want to meet Emily Gould?’”   [NYMag]

Dear God.

Also? I will need a utility bill from Bumblefuck, NH, with Jessica Roy’s name and address on it to prove that the disillusioned-before-her-time writerish person has indeed left New York City. Like she’s going anywhere now. Pshht.

Beeline it to your nearest morally-compromised physician’s office and go into a laundry list of your kindergartner’s rambunctious tendencies. Accept practically automatic prescription for stimulant medication. Fill. Consume daily. Rinse. Repeat.

I so totally never saw coke coming as the BNLer drug of choice. Although God knows why, after the beats per minute rate of “One Week.” Oh, and every other BNL song.

“My primary role is to be the public face of the magazine.“

-Former Daily News gossiptrix Ben Widdicombe to NYPost media reporter Keith Kelly on his new gig at Star magazine.

This is a sentence that, in my experience, has never ever once been uttered without making the issuer look like a jackass. JFK Jr. could have slid by. Maybe.

This, ladies and gents, is what those at cultastic religious compounds just shy of their wedding dates (read: 12-year-olds) sport under those oh-so-cute-Laura-Ingalls getups. And now you too can get your very own sacred temple garment at fldsdress.com! Members of the FLDS, the polygamous Mormon offshoot group run over by the State of Texas in April for maybe having sex with a few too many teens, have started their own online store. E-commerce is for everyone! Never mind that what looks like an oversized onesie above is typically considered sacred by adherents, who “may be offended by public discussion of the garments,” according to, well, common knowledge and Wikipedia. One guy who tried selling his sacred underoos on eBay a few years ago had his listings yanked by the Internet giant after complaints from the Church of Latter Day Saints. Don’t worry, they replaced his listings once they discovered that selling union suits online isn’t illegal in any state, divine or not.