Maggie Shnayerson

GOD ALMIGHTY, how I wish President Obama would quit issuing these hyper-precise, MLA-outlined exposition-enhanced speeches. I’m developing an allergy to persuasive rhetorical communication techniques, and that’s AGAINST MY CHARACTER.

I shall now prepare for the eventual day where I will have to admit missing George Bush saying silly and ridiculous things about being The Decider.

"The debates unnerved both candidates. When he was preparing for them during the Democratic primaries, Obama was recorded saying, 'I don't consider this to be a good format for me, which makes me more cautious. I often find myself trapped by the questions and thinking to myself, 'You know, this is a stupid question, but let me … answer it.' So when Brian Williams is asking me about what's a personal thing that you've done [that's green], and I say, you know, 'Well, I planted a bunch of trees.' And he says, 'I'm talking about personal.' What I'm thinking in my head is, 'Well, the truth is, Brian, we can't solve global warming because I f---ing changed light bulbs in my house. It's because of something collective'.'" [Newsweek] (Itals all mine.)

"There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as president. And we know the government can't solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree."

These lines (plus the rest of Barack Obama's deeply presidential and ethos, pathos and rhythm-ridden victory speech) fairly well sum up why and where his campaign succeeded and John McCain's didn't.

Hmmm...well it sort of looks like the White House. Okay, okay, the Off-White House.

On your left, Republican vice presidential pick Sarah Palin. On your right, the hot teacher-stripper from the MTV football flick Varsity Blues.