Much Ado About Not Much
“Errol Flynn died on a seventy-foot yacht with a seventeen-year-old girl. Walter’s always wanted to go that way, but he’s going to settle for a seventeen-footer and a seventy-year-old.”
—Mrs. Walter Cronkite
“I was eight, watching him on black and white television every night in Elmira, NY. In our home, my mother refused to serve dinner until the CBS Evening News was over. And I announced my intention to my family, apparently at the age of eight to my family, that he was the man I wanted to be and this was the profession I wanted and I’ve lived such a charmed life that I got the chance to explain that to Walter and tell him that and make it clear and just—was able to breathe the air he exhaled.”
—Brian Williams, recipient of The 2009 Walter Cronkite Award, presented each fall.
No police officer had to take this man out, who had terrorized this center and this community. He killed himself. Can you imagine—what a coward. Locked them in, trapping them like mice in a cage, mowed them down. He’s dead now. Now Neil Cavuto.
In the absence of any additional news, Fox News anchor Shep Smith will fill your on-air gaps with somber prose, a skill he’s got pretty well wrapped up by now. Smith was Fox’s on-the-ground guy for Princess Di’s death, the Oklahoma City bombing, the execution of Timothy McVeigh, Columbine, TWA Flight 800 and Hurricane Katrina.
Get this man some uppers, stat.
Substitute ‘Damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Mark Twain
An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.
Dylan Thomas
On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.
Lewis Grizzard