Maggie Shnayerson

GOD ALMIGHTY, how I wish President Obama would quit issuing these hyper-precise, MLA-outlined exposition-enhanced speeches. I’m developing an allergy to persuasive rhetorical communication techniques, and that’s AGAINST MY CHARACTER.

I shall now prepare for the eventual day where I will have to admit missing George Bush saying silly and ridiculous things about being The Decider.

“The debates unnerved both candidates. When he was preparing for them during the Democratic primaries, Obama was recorded saying, ‘I don’t consider this to be a good format for me, which makes me more cautious. I often find myself trapped by the questions and thinking to myself, ‘You know, this is a stupid question, but let me … answer it.’ So when Brian Williams is asking me about what’s a personal thing that you’ve done [that's green], and I say, you know, ‘Well, I planted a bunch of trees.’ And he says, ‘I’m talking about personal.’ What I’m thinking in my head is, ‘Well, the truth is, Brian, we can’t solve global warming because I f—ing changed light bulbs in my house. It’s because of something collective’.‘” [Newsweek] (Itals all mine.)

“There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won’t agree with every decision or policy I make as president. And we know the government can’t solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree.”

These lines (plus the rest of Barack Obama’s deeply presidential and ethos, pathos and rhythm-ridden victory speech) fairly well sum up why and where his campaign succeeded and John McCain’s didn’t.

Oh, CNN, he did not. This looky-here headline implies that John Edwards gave Barack Obama the Heisman after the Democratic nominee asked him to be his running mate. What does CNN’s story actually say? Edwards is doing the de rigeur political courtship thing: “Oh no, not for me, thanks anyway, though, gee shucks,” whilst likely angling for a spot with more punch and less profile inside an Obama cabinet. Should have read “Ticker: Edwards would say no to being Obama’s VP,” but then again, I wouldn’t have clicked on something so dull, so I guess CNN wins.

Is this. And yes, my mom is more lovable than Alex Balk, what do you want from me?