Indiana State Police SpokesFolks Will Not Lie To You, No Matter How Much You Beg
“(CNN)—The search for two of three inmates who escaped from an Indiana prison has been called off, authorities said Tuesday. One of the inmates…was captured Monday. The other two—a convicted murderer and a convicted rapist—remain at large after Sunday’s escape from the Indiana State Prison in Michigan City, Indiana.”
How come, you ask?
‘We don’t know where to look,’ [Indiana Department of Correction spokesman John Schrader told CNN Tuesday.]
Oh. Huh.
Well, can you at least tell us how these dudes managed to pull a Shawshank through the prison’s underground tunnel system? (Sidenote: Must prisons always have these? Really?)
‘At this stage, we don’t know exactly how that happened,’ said Douglas Garrison, the chief of communications for the IDC.’”
Yay!
Number 461 in ‘Phrases That Should Never Ever Leave The PR Crisis Management Sit Room’?
“We don’t know exactly how,” followed by anything else. Preceded by anything else either, come to think of it. NO WHERES AT ALL should this appear. Please and thank you.
So the thoroughbreds in the Belmont Stakes took off a half hour ago in New York; jockey Calvin Borel was on Derby winner Mine That Bird, the even favorite.
Borel, if you’ll recall, is the two-time Derby winner who rode filly Rachel Alexander earlier this month to her Preakness win.
He also happens to have an eighth-grade education from Atchafalaya Basin in the heart of Cajun Louisiana, the bosom of American match-racing and the country’s biggest swamp.
So before Mine That Bird came in third tonight, ABC’s idiot ESPN commentator made sure to characterize Borel as “a kind of Forrest Gump’ of racing and “comfort food’ for us all.
I’m pretty sure that doesn’t even count as coded language. Why didn’t the asshole just call him retarded white trash and be done with it?
I shall take solace in the fact that Borel regularly earns a million dollars in 2.5 minutes while the newscaster moron has to work all year for half that, if he’s lucky.
But he just wanted to borrow her sweater! For a minute! Jeez!
Re: inothernews
Dear God in Heaven. The Discovery Channel’s recent special “Hudson Plane Crash: What Really Happened,” wasn’t enough? Their accompanying online flight simulator game (and its subsequent and immediate deletion from the site) didn’t raise collective red flags amongst developers? Somebody had to GO AND MAKE A FUCKING IPHONE APP called “Sully’s Flight”!?!?
If the much-needed national miracle that was the skillful, competent, brave handling of US Airways Flight 1549 reminded us of the immense capability within the brains and spirits of human beings, then this would be THE OPPOSITE OF THAT.
